Home | Ben Wade

Ben Wade threw down his cards in disgust and picked up his shot glass. "Damn!" He tossed back the whiskey and motioned the bartender to bring another.

"Man, how do you handle that so early in the day?" Richie Roberts put down his own cards with a smile on his face and picked up his coke. During his own months at Crowe's Point, he'd come to know Wade better than anyone else there (which wasn't saying a lot), and he still didn't know how the man could drink whiskey before noon and stay alert.

"It's a talent," Wade grinned across the table at Richie, but he was still annoyed. No way should he lose three straight hands of five card draw to Richie Roberts. Maybe to Terry Thorne, but even that would be pushing it. Thorne was the best card player here, aside from Wade himself.

"Wanna play another hand?" Richie was feeling psyched at winning three in a row off Ben Wade. His New Jersey accent was more pronounced than usual, and he was chewing his gum faster.

"No, thanks..." There was a different note in Wade's voice.

When Richie looked up, he followed Wade's eyes to the door of Crowe's Tavern. General Maximus had come in with a young woman. She was slight, but with nice curves Richie noticed appreciatively. She had long, golden-brown hair, and was dressed in jeans and a light green blouse. Maximus was leading her toward the bar.

Richie looked back at Ben. Wade's eyes had narrowed. There was a look of anger in them--and something else that Richie didn't quite recognize. But then, Wade's eyes rarely gave him away. One of the reasons the man was so damned good at poker. For anyone else here, this would have been a mild reaction. For Ben Wade, it spoke volumes.

"That her?" Richie asked him.

"Yeah." Wade spoke shortly, his anger evident, even in that one word, spoken in his deep, smooth voice.

Wade tossed back another whiskey and surveyed the woman who had just entered the tavern. There stood the reason he'd just finished losing to Richie Roberts. Miss Rebekah Logan. It had been three weeks since she'd last been at Crowe's Point, and since he'd last spoken to her.

Since he'd told her to stick with the General, he reminded himself. In those three weeks, he hadn't spoken to Maximus but he'd seen him, and appearances were that Rebekah hadn't listened to Ben. Maximus had not been wearing the expression of a man in love--or a man who had a woman in love with him. But now, here was Rebekah back. And with the General.

He'd known she was coming. This damned connection had seen to that. Had known it and felt the urge to take Ribbon and ride out to meet her--and had ignored that urge. No damned woman was going to control his movements, even if some connection--some kind of Crowe's Point magic--did exist between them. But he still couldn't keep his mind off her, and he'd been distracted from his poker game.

"Man, what's your problem?" Richie wanted to know, as his eyes followed Maximus and the woman. "She's a babe. Young, pretty, and she says she came here just because of you? You waitin' for a fuckin' engraved invitation?" Richie put his booted feet up on the chair next to his and leaned back, his hands linked behind his head.

"You ain't been here long enough to get this yet, Roberts." Wade leaned back in his own chair, pulling his eyes away from Rebekah and looking at Richie. "She ain't no lurker. You don't spend one night with her and leave it at that. You don't say 'Thank you, darlin'. I had a good time' and never see her again. She's the kinda woman wants you to come back again and again. Wants to set up housekeepin' with you, and have you comin' home to her every night."

Richie was still watching as Maximus and Rebekah went toward a booth. "Woman like that might be worth it," he said, speculatively.

"Yeah?" Wade replied, contemptuously. "Wasn't your ex-wife a woman like that? Was she worth it?"

Richie ignored the question with a good-natured grin. "Thought you told me she was willin' to have a go with you for one night?"

"That's what she said. Don't mean that's what she meant. Ain't you learned nothin' yet, Roberts? Women are all liars." Wade was thinking of the mama who had left him and never come back. "Maybe some of 'em don't mean to be, but they are."

"Well..." Wade pushed aside his shot glass and picked up his hat as he rose. "I think it might be time for me to say hello to the General."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rebekah had not returned to Crowe's Point without a lot of thought. Her first trip had not exactly gone well. She had come to the Point with a connection to Ben Wade--a connection that she, herself, still did not understand. Why a bond with a killer? With a man who would pull his gun and shoot another dead without hesitation?

She knew that they had things in common. Ben Wade had been abandoned by his mother at a young age. So had Rebekah. They'd both been forced to be self-sufficient--to depend only on themselves in their respective childhoods, and on into adulthood. It had bred in both of them a distrust of others, a need to be alone, a difficulty in developing friendships or deeper relationships of any kind. But was there anything else?

Rebekah had responded to that abandonment--and the neglect and abuse of a childhood spent in foster care--by becoming withdrawn. As a child, she had spent almost all her time alone, creating her own worlds in her mind. Worlds in which she had a happy life and a loving family. Worlds in which she could be safe.

And, although she had grown into an adult who was more than capable of functioning in the everyday world, she still chose to withdraw from it. She had made a career of writing and illustrating children's picture books--still creating those worlds in which she had a safe and happy life. The work calmed her. It nurtured her.

Ben Wade had chosen an entirely different path. He'd made a life out of using those in his world to get what he needed and wanted. He took it, robbed for it, killed for it. He surrounded himself with men who were subordinate to him, who followed Ben Wade's rules. He lived according to his own code of honor and conduct.

What, really, did they have which made a connection possible? Rebekah had asked herself this question again and again, and come up with no answers. She only knew that it was there, that she felt it, and that it had been strong enough to bring her to Crowe's Point in the first place.

And, though she had spent relatively little time with Ben Wade on that first trip, the three weeks since then had proven to her that the contact she had had with him had strengthened that link. She had found herself feeling emotions that were totally out of context with her surroundings. Anger when she had nothing to be angry at. Frustration for long stretches of time when there was no reason for it. She had merely been going about her everyday life and the feelings would come upon her suddenly.

Five days ago had come the incident which had convinced her to return. It had wakened her in the middle of the night. One moment she'd been sleeping. She'd seen a man's face beneath her own. A face with fear and horror on it. She had seen herself stabbing him in the neck over and over again. The torn shreds of flesh were visible, the blood pumping from his body in rivers. The sounds and the feel of the weapon sinking into meaty flesh. But, horrible as it had been, that alone had not been enough to awaken her.

Immediately following that terrible vision, she had felt pain in her face. She was being beaten. At first, she thought she'd been in the hands of one of her foster fathers again. He'd loved to beat her and the other foster children when he came home drunk and needed to take his rage out on someone. The pain in her face and temples had become almost overwhelming. Just before she'd come fully awake, she'd seen another man's face. This time it was above hers. It was weatherbeaten and had a gray beard.

And when she had gained full consciousness, she'd realized that she knew both of those faces. The one beneath her, with the torn and bloody neck, had been Tucker. The one above her, raining blows on her with the butt of a rifle, had been Byron McElroy. She'd sat up, breathing ragged and panicked, and had put her hands to her face--then taken them away with a gasp. Her face hurt. That was all she had time to register before she had run into the bathroom and thrown up. She had the coppery taste of blood in her mouth, but there was no blood there. A look in the bathroom mirror had shown her that she had no marks on her, but the pain in her face and head had been excruciating.

The only explanation she had was her connection with Ben. He must have been in his movie world, reliving again his killing of Tucker and the beating that Byron McElroy had given him immediately after. Only this time, she'd experienced it with him. She could have written it off as a dream, if not for the pain in her face. It lingered for days. Nothing that she took--aspirin, ibuprofen, nothing--had given her any relief from it.

Was something like this possible? She wouldn't have thought so before, but that pain was evidence enough. Her connection with him had grown stronger. She needed to go back to Crowe's Point. To see him again. She couldn't keep him from returning to his movie world (his real world, as he called it), but she could be there when he returned.

She struggled with what she had felt during that experience. Sickness at the crude and bloody way Tucker had died. Horror that someone could commit such a killing. But at the same time--a sense of rightness, of justice. Her own feelings or Ben's? Or both? And overlying everything else, a need to be with him, to at least acknowledge everything he'd gone through. To try and reassure him that at least one of the feelings she knew he had about McElroy's beating wasn't true. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment.

But would he accept anything from her? Certainly not sympathy. Would he allow her just to be there with him? She had to find out.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In spite of the fact that she'd told no one she was coming, Rebekah had hopes that Ben would meet her. On her first visit to Crowe's Point, he had met her to see her off--and he hadn't known when she was leaving. That had told her that he must feel something of a bond to her, too. But when she arrived at the Point shortly before lunch on Friday (on horseback, just as she had the first time), there was no one there.

She rode to the stables, remembering the way perfectly. It was there that she was met by Maximus. He'd given her a genuine smile of welcome, helping her down from her mare, and hugging her tightly.

"It's so good to see you again, Rebekah." He had brushed loose hairs back from her forehead, and had leaned to kiss her. But Rebekah had turned her face away. She wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"Maximus. It's good to see you, too. Really, it is." She dropped her eyes, a little embarrassed about the way she'd reacted to him, but determined not to make the same mistake she'd made last time. "But I'm here to see Ben."

On her first visit, Maximus had been the first person she'd met here. He had immediately taken a protective attitude toward her--seeing her shyness, her tendency toward being a loner, her constant nervousness around others, as a need to be taken care of and sheltered. She'd spent her time with him when she hadn't been with Ben Wade, Maximus being the only other person here she'd felt any level of comfort around. But Maximus had developed other feelings toward her--more romantic feelings. And the other Point residents and regulars had felt that she'd turned away from him and toward Ben Wade. It had ended up a mess. She wouldn't do that again.

Maximus sighed, his eyes darkening. "I assumed as much. At least let me take you up to the hotel. Get you some lunch. Ribbon's here, so Wade's probably somewhere around the Tavern."

He had a stable hand see to her horse and drove her and her backpack to the hotel. On the way, he told her, "Wade hasn't been around much since you left."

"I know," she replied softly. "I've been sensing that." Rebekah looked over at him. "My connection with Ben is getting stronger."

"How do you mean?" Maximus looked over at her, her statement bringing out the worry and protective instincts he felt for her.

"I've been feeling things more often." Rebekah sought for the right words to tell him about the things she'd experienced. "Several nights ago, I thought I was waking up from a dream. I was stabbing Tucker in the neck, over and over again. Then, Byron McElroy was beating me."

She clasped her hands together in front of her, as she had a habit of doing when she was nervous. "I thought it was just a nightmare." She looked up at Maximus. "But when I came awake, my face was hurting. So badly it actually made me sick. There were no marks or bruises on me, but the pain lasted for days. It's still not quite gone."

Maximus stopped the truck they were driving. He was looking at her with concern and worry all over his face. "Rebekah-" He reached out a hand to lay it lightly against her cheek. "Are you all right? Should I take you to see the doctor?" He'd seen Ben Wade's movie, knew the things that took place. The thought of Rebekah having anything to do with that killing and the beating that followed...

"I'm fine." She tried to lighten the mood, seeing his face. "The pain's almost gone. Please don't look so worried about me. I just- just need to see Ben."

Maximus had a scowl on his face, as he continued to stroke her cheek. "Seeing Wade is the last thing you need! He's already hurt you emotionally. Now, he's hurting you physically." His voice rose along with his anger. "That man has been nothing but trouble!"

At his words, Rebekah felt her own anger rising. She'd long learned to suppress her anger, along with her other feelings. But occasionally, she hit out. "This is NOT Ben's fault! He can't help it if I have a connection with him! And he didn't deserve such a beating! Tucker deserved to be punished! He was sitting there taunting Ben about being hanged! Singing about it!" She stopped, out of breath.

Maximus had drawn back in surprise at her words and her tone of voice. She was defending Wade. He'd never seen her so angry and agitated. It worried him more. He needed to talk to Tina and John and the others about this. But first, he needed to get her to the hotel, let her calm down.

He resumed his driving. They made it to the hotel within a few minutes. He wanted to take Rebekah up to her room, but she insisted he remain downstairs. She went up alone, with her backpack, and was back in a few minutes, having washed her face and brushed her hair.

Maximus studied her carefully. He found her beautiful, with that golden-brown hair framing her face and that peaches-and-cream complexion. But she was a little more pale than last time, her eyes more nervous. Damn Ben Wade and all the problems he could cause! Why did this slight, fragile-looking girl have any sort of link with that man?

She didn't want Maximus to accompany her to the Tavern. It would only make things worse for her with any other Point regulars who might be there. And if Ben were there... But he insisted. He didn't want her to be alone. In the last three weeks, he had talked to most of the others. Explained to them that he had known she was there to see Wade. But, even though they accepted it from him, it didn't completely satisfy everyone. Maximus was well-liked and respected at Crowe's Point, while Ben Wade was still something of an unknown quantity and was not adjusting to the Point, or to his 'brothers' well.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Once inside the door of the Tavern, Rebekah's eyes were drawn immediately to Ben. And his to her. He was sitting at a table playing cards with a man she recognized--Richie Roberts. She hadn't met Richie on her last trip, but she'd seen his movie, knew he was the most recent arrival at the Point. It surprised her a little to see Ben getting along so well with him.

She wanted to approach Ben immediately, but she hung back. Not while Richie was with him. And after last time... She wasn't sure she'd get any kind of polite welcome from him.

Maximus ordered drinks for her and himself, and they went to a booth. Lunch was still awhile away. The Tavern was empty, except for the four of them and Andy, who was cheerfully handling bartending duties until the lunchtime man took over. They sat quietly, Maximus worrying over her and angry that Ben Wade should be behind all this (even though he knew that Rebekah was right, and Wade had no control over her connection), Rebekah nervous--knowing that Ben's eyes followed her, and anxious to speak with him somewhere in private.

It was then that she noticed him approaching them. She could not help but follow him with her eyes. Ben Wade always moved with such grace and conrol. Maximus noticed his approach too, and the scowl on his handsome face deepened. Ben, of course, was his usual charming self, ignoring the look on Maximus' face.

"Miss Logan," he drawled. "What a pleasant surprise to find you here again." He tilted his head toward her, his hat in his hand. And General." He glanced briefly at Maximus, his voice becoming sarcastic, almost mocking. "How-," he hesitated for the briefest instant, "-nice to see you."

"Ben." Rebekah was clasping her hands together again, nervous at his stare. But there was something in his eyes. They always held her captive, but this time... This time, there was something more. Something conveying to her that he had things to say to her as well.

Richie Roberts had followed Ben at a slight distance, sensing there might be trouble between him and Maximus. Now, he cleared his throat noisily, breaking the eye contact between Ben and Rebekah. "Ben. Mind introducing me, man? You know I always wanna meet pretty ladies." He smiled at Rebekah.

Ben turned with a slight look of annoyance on his face. "Rebekah, this is Richie Roberts. He ain't bad for an ex-lawman. And a shyster." His smooth voice actually had a teasing, familiar note in it. It seemed Ben might have met someone with whom he could be friends.

"Roberts- Miss Rebekah Logan."

Richie took her hand, holding it warmly in his large one. "Rebekah. This outlaw here," he indicated Ben, "don't treat you right, you just come knock on my door. Ben here can be a little crude with the ladies. I, on the other hand, am always a perfect gentleman."

Wade gave a chuckle. "And I've never killed a man, Roberts."

Richie nodded at Maximus. "How's things going, Max?" Maximus returned his nod distractedly, his eyes on Ben and Rebekah.

"Ben." Rebekah spoke up, feeling she couldn't wait any longer. "Can we talk? In private?" She looked apologetically at Richie Roberts and, especially at Maximus.

Wade raised an eyebrow at her, questioningly. He hadn't known her to be this bold on her previous visit. But he liked it. So, she could speak up when it was important enough to her. Besides, he needed to speak with her, as well.

"Of course, darlin'." He glanced at Maximus with a mock apologetic look on his face. "Sorry, General. It seems the lady needs me." He put a slight emphasis on the me.

"I think the last thing she needs is you, Wade. You've done quite enough where Rebekah is concerned--"

Maximus was interrupted by Richie Roberts. "Uh, Max- Maybe you should just let the lady talk to him." He had a firm, not-gonna-back-down look in his eyes. "Seems they have some things to discuss. And it was her who asked him."

"It's all right, Maximus." Rebekah rose from the booth. "I'll be fine." She looked nervous, but determined.

Ben was still watching her closely--appreciating her assertiveness. And amused that she would excuse herself from the General to leave with him.

"After you, Miss Logan." He gestured toward the door with the hand holding his hat. As she walked toward it, he glanced back at Richie and Maximus. "Gentlemen."

As the door closed behind the two of them, Maximus looked at Richie Roberts angrily. "She should not be alone with him."

Richie sat down in the seat Rebekah had vacated. "What are you gonna do, Max? She's a grown woman. You can't stop her from talkin' to whoever she wants to."

Maximus got up and headed toward his rooms upstairs in the tavern. "I intend to clean up and go find Tina and John. We need to have a meeting about Rebekah and Ben Wade."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Outside, Rebekah had halted abruptly--not sure where they should go. Ben put a hand lightly on her back. "Let's go to the garden, darlin'. Should be quiet there."

He guided her to the same bench on which they had sat on her last trip--the night when he had asked her to his bed, then told her to go to Maximus. That memory flared up briefly in her mind as they sat down. She was quiet, remembering the hurt she had felt.

"Who's Ray?" Ben Wade's voice brought her out of her thoughts with a jerk. Ray? How did he know that name? Why was he asking about him? The only time she'd thought about Ray lately was after the nightmare she'd had two weeks ago.

The look on Rebekah's face immediately became fearful, but guarded. "Ray? I don't know any Ray." She tried to brush off his question. Didn't succeed.

His voice became hard. "Don't lie to me, Rebekah. You're no liar. You ain't no good at it. And the last thing I need around is another woman who lies to me. Now- Who's Ray?"

"How- How do you know that name?" she asked him, haltingly. His answer shocked her.

"You said it to me. Coupla weeks ago." He had put a hand under her chin and turned her to face him. He was holding her eyes unmoving again and watching them for every change.

He softened his voice, seeing the fear in them. Those pretty green eyes...that apparently, Crowe's Point magic had seen fit to give her just for him. "Was the middle of the night. I was up, sittin' in front of the fireplace. Just- thinkin'." He didn't tell her what he had been thinking about.

"I closed my eyes for a minute. An' all of a sudden, I could see you. Your face was below mine. I was on top of you. You looked terrified." He almost winced, remembering that look of abject fear he'd seen. "An' you were beggin' me- Don't hurt me. Please- don't hurt me, Ray. You weren't seein' me. You were seein' this Ray. Now, who is he?"

Rebekah was quiet, trembling with fear, shock- and shame. She was blushing with it. He'd seen that? He'd seen into her life, too? Into her nightmare? And why that? Why that moment? In spite of her determination to remain strong around Ben, to not show any emotion that would embarrass her or him, she felt quiet tears running down her cheeks.

"He was one of my foster fathers." She spoke resignedly, without meeting his eyes. She couldn't. "My last one. I was sixteen. It was right after that they put me into a group home."

"He hurt you." Ben Wade ground out the words, his voice low and gravelly in his anger. "He raped you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."